Kick Rocks

Something hits you when you turn 35 and your single with no children (yet) living with your parents.  Yes this is my life.  I swear to you my younger self would kick my butt.  It's almost like I've given up a part of me to help others and now here I set just wondering how did I get here how did I mess up.  To thy ownself be true.  I was part of this team this squad but now I'm just all alone.  I can't seem to keep a relationship with any amount of purpose or time for that matter.  Okay the facts the last relationship I was in was 2007 that's so nuts what's happening to me.  The true unfairness of life is so easy to be blamed.  I'm tired of not moving forward, I feel like half the time I'm running in circles.  I can't keep running circles anymore it's time for a change.

It's been such a long time that I have had the freedom to just write.  Yes I said have the freedom because I can write but mostly its just been school papers.  Which are very draining and I find myself overwhelmed at times.  So I decided to increase my time on the blogger world of writing.  I always find it so much easier to just write on here with no problems the creativitiy just flows and something magical happens.  Perhaps it's the no rules thing, you guys aren't into my missed spelled works, or senctencs structure.  Your only interested in my thoughts, dreams, goals, emotions.  So I can give you that....

I'm a working girl that has dreams like you won't believe.  My heart has changed so much over the years of me starting this blog. I formed some friendships that have been a blessing to me in so many ways.  Also I've let some friendships and loves go.  I'm making a differences and not because of some magical connections just because I dare to look outside myself to see the bigger picture.  Have you dared to look outside lately to see how things are going, are there changes you should be making to make thing better in your life.  If so Do Them,  a wise lady by the name of Cindy Trimm re quoted, "If it can be done today then Do it".  Be in the Doing of things don't waite becaues now is the time soooo I write it NOW!! Enjoy your day.

Senior Year Of College

Okay I have like two mins to tell you how this fall semester of my Senior year is going.. WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO.  Its so much nothing like I have ever image, but the most wonderful thing is I am doing it.  I'm doing well besides one class that needs some extra study time, but full-time student and full-time work.  It has me moving.  The only thing I can think of at this moment is I can do ALL THINGS THROUGHT CHRIST!!

Living, Growing and Sharing

Part One of Living, Growing and Sharing
My life has so may turns in it right now, but I do see the hand of God thoughout my life.  Imagine that I at the age of 32 yrs old have finally mastered the word NO.  Not in a mean way but in a me way, I say no now to take care of me and boy let me tell you heads are sure to turn of course.  But really won't they turn even if I said yes and than failed at it.  Yup you guessed right they sure will. 

He means laughter

What looks like something you want may just not be the thing you need.  I feel like my eagerness for a relationship has got me in a pickle, yes a pickle.  It's funny how quickly you can get use to someone checking in with you sharing with you and is all about you.  He's a man that knows what he want, but for me if he pushes to hard on making this relationship something that it is clearly not then I can't help my actions to push back.. Now all of sudden my pushing back is a problem.  Let me say this clearly I not looking for Mr. Perfect, I'm working and praying for My Issiah, who is for me, because I saw him in a dream!

Now its a fitness challenge

So my job has a fitness challenge and I sign up.... I know, I know that last time I totally bomb out and didn't do much of anything, but this is different. See me and my co-worker get to work out together and so far I just finished out the second day.  So far it's going good so it seem that -30 is on the way. P.s I'm counting calories too.
 Monday, March 18th
Workout:
-Dances 15mins
-Walked and Ran: 25mins

Tuesday, March 19th
Workout:
-Walked and Ran: 18mins

My Awaking March 12th

This is your Wake Up Call Good morning to you!! Did every feel like the more closer to God you come the harder things seem to be? It's Tuesday and it time to think about being humble as God's people and just simply being ready to repent. Knowing and understanding that things may happen but God is still God and when you feel its time to repent in your heart you need to at that moment, no waiting okay. :) So take a listen to a YouTube video (48:58mins) by T.D. Jakes it Called Saul's Suicide.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ib0Y-xZHbU&feature=youtube_gdata -

Awaking 2/20/13

Happy Awakings today let's start this day on learning how to renew our minds again..
  Paul says in Ephesians 6:10-20 that we need to be reminded to put on the whole armor of God.
 I know that there are time when I'm content in putting on part of my armor I know it's so easy to just carry the basic and survive but what does it look Iike to put on our whole armor? So what is it exactly Let's break it down for this mornings wake-up call.
Ephesians 14 Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
-So stand having your loins (the side between the lower ribs and pelvis and the lower part of your back)grit about with truth.
-Breastplate (a piece of plate armor partially on completely coverinf the front of the torso) of righteousness
15 And your feet shod (past tents for shoes)with the preparation of the gospel of peace; (so think on that we need shoes of peace, so it has to be one thing we walk in).
16 Above all, taking the shield (a broad piece of armor, vary widely in form and size carried apart from the body, usually on the left arm as a defense against swords, lance,arrows ect) of faith, where with ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
17 And take the helmet ( any of various form of protective head cornering worn by soldiers, firefighters, divers, cyclists, ect) of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 Praying always with all prayer and supplication ( a humble pray, in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints; 19 And for me, that utterance may be given unto me, that I may open my mouth boldly, to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 For which I am an ambassador in bonds: that there in I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.
So when we put on the armor we get truth, righteousness, peace,faith,salvation, the bible,
..and boldness.
So think now what part of armor are you missing?
Today let's make sure we put on our whole armor of God and get ready for battle.

My Awakings

I had the pleasure of going to a conferences with YWAM!
The speaker said something that has cause me to put my belief into action he said Awaken the Saved! So this is your wake up call!!!!! Stay awake!!!!!!
1 Thessalonians chapter 5. verse 4 But you, brothers and sisters, are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief. 5 You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness. 6 So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober. 7 For those who sleep, sleep at night, and those who get drunk, get drunk at night. 8 But since we belong to the day, let us be sober, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.

Stay awake!!!! Let's Go!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOXO49d&feature=youtube_gdata_player

My my my.. and I breath

Now it's been a year.  I have been writing this site for a year.  So busy with classes and this is only my second week of classes, but all of my classes are for my major and I find that thrilling.  One of the best things about my life right now is that I have found out that God has given me the grace to do my best in the things that he has entrusted me with and get this, that means everything. 
I'm having an exciting Senor year and I have decided to just enjoy everything and just try with all that I do don't worry about how old I am just live life to the fullest.  Its seem that some how or another I have lost that goal along the way but I have found it and I'm picking it us to start a new year with breathing in enjoyment.  Think about that to breath in enjoyment, what does that even look like in to day society because so may people are just not happy with where they are personally at.  Well for the most part it starts with a little imagination, and than it starts with hope and love and breathing in your surroundings actually looking and saying wow this right here is amazing. 

Soon out of no action of your own you will stumble on some wonderful adventures.  So if you dare, please just breath with me. 

Fast

Okay So Im in this class and I just can't seem to get it together.. Man Got to focus so this will be short.  Taking the time to just be in someones life is a BIG thing a simple phone call or even text goes a long way.  Today I feel extra Blessed to have a friend ride the wavys with me as I write my paper and she write's her sermon.  I think most of the time God how am I so lucky to have such caring friends and he said this plan an simple..... IT'S WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY PUT OUT... 

Fair Weather Friend

My fair weather friend. Have you thought of those season friends or relationships that comes and with its season seems to go.   Sometimes I feel that I can only understand there purpose when there no longer close in connection... But God... Stop and think of how well he orcherstrates everthing.   Hummm he has the bigger plan even when we can't see it.. So they say a storm is to come heavy rain.. Funny cause I had a dream of a flood earlier this month.  I'm not worried because I know that God has me... Isn't that something to be in the company of a King and he sees it so fit to care about you.   So blessed and always with that blessing you are to be a blessing.   Isn't that something too he just doesn't bless you so you can just parade around being richer than Solomon but only to be a blessing.  God may fill fit to bless you because there's a lack in the land so he's sending you to be that blessing and give its like he's looking for someone trust worthy  ;) My God is a God all about his people heart! That in us self is selfless.  What more can I say but lets live the God who has created all things.  

There's Changes All Around ME! Week #1, Week 2 Love of Coures, to be Graded.

Some people say that they never see change.  I beg to differ, if you can't see change than you are not looking its just that simple. So I encourage you to LOOK........

Okay I looked out and what did I see.  I see change, I see people and I see love.  You know sometimes I can be so quick to judge thinking that no one is changing but me, but I look out for my funky little glasses and I see the world is changing.  We have all been here for sometimes and yes its so quick like a vapor in time.  But I see kindness.  This week I saw real people searching after a real God and there was something so attractive about that. The world of God is a powerful thing we just have to do ourselves a favor and get in it.  So I challenge you this week to read The Word of God!

Week two: October 3rd, 2012
Love of Course to be Graded
I'm told to just enjoy life!!! That's right God has informed me to just have fun and enjoy no more stressing on phone calls with who calls or who doesn't.  No more crying about bring single, no more looking at things so pitifully. God said look around and enjoy, enjoy life and the love that you have.  Remember where supposed to be happy in the little things. I'm truly feeling blessed for those who care.  I think that God places you with just the things you need at the right time that you need.  How can you love others when you can't even love the ones around you... Now think about that I have to be willing to love those who God has placed in my life right now... It could be animals for some, but think about it everyone has neighbor to love.  God's a genius because he wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves as ourselves... So it matters how you love you, it matters if you take the time love those near and far and allowing them in return to love you back.  It doesn't just happen, with God's help we make it happen.   Learning and changing daily... Love you all!! ;)

Something BIG

You know how you have that feeling its like deep inside you that something great is coming.  I've been having this feeling now for a few weeks now and I can't explain it but to say that something great is coming.  I look at myself and my life and I'm in all of most of the things that I have done and still continue to do.  It seems as if all this time God has been telling me, No Shouting rather that the little things matter and that my best times are right NOW...  The moment your living in right now is he only moment you get to change, isn't that something.  I can't change yesterday or even last week, but I can change what happens today to change what happens tomorrow only by my actions on today.  So it's kind of like if I get ready for today and do the small things of today than that will help the small things of tomorrow a lot lighter, they will still be there but not at the intensity.

Now I have to be honest............ I have been in chill mold so much that it haves gotten in every avenue of my life.  It's like I was just waiting for the easy road in life until God woke me up this week and said wait a minute, baby girl this is as easy as its going to get, and then that made me look around and it wasn't so bad.  The things I had to pick up where so small but it was my chill mode that was killing them.  So if I do the little things perfect it will snowball to my life style. 

Now isn't that something everyone said you can 't be perfect, and we all know we can 't but can your life  style be?  Think on that can my life style be perfect event when I myself can not.  I think it can, what do you think.. This is something to make you exam your life and say hold up, I need this change its time to do some cleaning.  Because I will always make mistakes, but I can learn from them and from that I can make sure that I don't keep making those same mistake.  That is what makes you perfect.  It's not never making a mistake, but the ability to learn and than change from your mistakes.  

Ipod Shuffle

So here I am again and I feel at this present time that writing this blog is my only signs of freedom.  My course loads are so small for the moment but I still feel the need to write.  It seem like every time I take a seat at the computer in the library all I want to do is write.  I'm chained to this computer for the next 2hrs trying to do a Lab that is so distance to me. 
As I think about everything in life and how just in this week we fought battles, and truly pray is the only way to find that internal peace.  Yesterday, well this morning because I work 3rd shift I was talking to a co-worker and for the moment we where talking about our spiritual walk with Christ, and I had to be honest because theses last couple of weeks I have felt distance.   Sitting and trying to understand how and why was I so far away from the God that I love with all of my heart, how did this happen? 
As we talked I realized that it had been all of my own doing.. I planted the seed thinking that its only that one song, and beside I love this one song what can it hurt.  But the reality is that this one song open the door to the next one song and before I knew it my whole play-list had changed.  I was no longer listing to "You Are Holy", but instead "Drop it Like it's Hot", dancing and getting the feel of what seemed like harmless human nature became my biggest thrist.  Now I didn't care and everything that I looked at had changed.

It seems that when something crazy happens in life that so simple and you think wow that could have been me it makes you wake up.  Than is when you step back and reevaluate whats really important in your life.  Being in that moment strong enough now to turn away repent, thank God for his grace and walk- it- out in God.

So in that moment its no longer can I stand but WILL I STAND!

I Will Stand and let go and Trust. 

You cured me with you unablity to love.... Thank You God for giving me the straight to say No and mean it.

So Dream!

I spy with my little eye something wonderful.  The power of the tongue.  The power of a dream.  Why don't we dream anymore, we are just here bottling all are ideals into this column called the Internet.  A painting pallet stays empty to noted looks of, what emptiness.  No more let us dream again.  I spy dreams, dreams that give love and peace and hope.  So with my mouth I speak out dreams and with my actions I live out dreams... So Dream!

Bitter- Sweat

It's seems that tomorrow I have another funeral to got to. It seems unreal but I felt I should go even tho I only met her onces but feeling conected to my deep family tree I felt compelled too go. So I called my cuzins trying to understand our line in the family tree only to find out that this is his Grandmother oh how bitter sweet now. The feelings and clear wanting that come from a funeral are all so very scary. How does one deal with this many deaths in a row... Well I just haven't thought about it, only at the time that I am in the moment than I let it go. It's like at first it was hard for me to even sleep at night, but than I started to listen to God's word and it gave me peace. Peace in the storm.

It's Party Time!!

Last night was amazing  after a restless week well mostly because my work schedule changed from night shift to day shift, and I mean like real early 5am baby.  I had some time to adjust but this week was hard because every time I see the sunlight all I want to do is sleep.  Hopefully this week I can sleep like normal people.  OK so back to last night.  Its funny because I never fully focus on the party.  I just focus on the food and getting them there.   I have like little things planned and before I knew the party came together and thank God it did.  You know they say those who you hang around can have a big impact on you, and I feel that's so true.  I fill like no matter what you can't stop as a friend.  So you want to have friends so let me tell you it's hard work, very hard work, but the reward factor to that is having a family.  You work at things you want to work in your life and we all know what we do to things we don't want to work.....NOTHING.  It won't just happen you have to work at it.  I think that's what every elder said if you get a change to talk to them from time to time do, ask them questions I know I did when I worked at the home.   They had me really thinking.. I mean they have lived and can tell you how to understand it more what to focus on and how to make friendships work.  They tell you how important it is to have friends and how life is.  There's no special code to love believe me I have ask so many times, but the most thing that I realised is that sometime love comes when you least expected it and love is simple.  That's right its so simple it's just wanting to be with that person and see him and talk to him that's love and you know it just like when you know when its not you know when it is. 
SO like to our wonderful toast last night to a sweat fruit drink to the Next Chapter Of life.. Chapter 31 for me and its going to be amazing.

...But...

Me, You, We, Us.... I need you and you need me and we together make us. So simple I find myself just here looking, feeling, and wondering. How, why what could I do. God were you trying to talk to me. I couldn't sleep these last couple of days and I did pray, I did truly and I gave my heart. Than I heard the call as the rain ran down, so it seems as if someone has passed away. One of my born cosines but called Auntie by age. Her daughter just died two months ago and now she has also. Truly how do I feel i don't know. All I know is that life and dead come and I need to look more to the signs. I think that the patterns of a persons action can predict whats to happen... I'm not totally sure but I think anyway. So what now. How do I feel again? Only by you, I need you all of you family and friends you complete me you make me live. We become strong like bricks together holding up a building, because we are the body. I need the values that come out of us, I need the goals that make us and all of us together make God's perfect vision of life. But God if like I could erase all the words above and say you are my King. The beginning and the end, you have me no matter what you have me and love me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my King.