Imagine That

To find confidants again.   She's lost herself and you can see it her eyes.  It's like she's gone to this world that is only seen on weekends how could this be.  This world of mystery and no one knows it or so she thinks. 

I'm in a play.  Who would have thought me in a play.  I always thought that I would live the life of a backstage girl, but it looks like I have been destine for theater life.  Ha-ha imagine that...  I do love the stage at first I'm a little scared but than something happens it like I push my fears a side I totally ignore it and before lone the lines they become my much needed friends and than I deliver.  With all power inside I deliver. 

I Stop to Praise You

March 12, 2012

            Today seemed to take its own turn as I try to grasp life again and leave Facebook for some time so I can find me again breath life again and then it happen.   My sister called me and told me that one of my (Facebook friend) a childhood friend mother had passed away today.  The first thing I said was, “What No, total disbelief.  Not again and not Miss Carol.  My heart sink and I have to break my cover from facebook and I check for myself and see, please tell me it’s not true.  Tina reminded me that just 7weeks to date now that we had the baby shower.  I can’t believe that was only seven weeks ago it feels like ages but when you put the dates together it was and she was right just 7 adult weeks ago.  My mine travel quickly back to that day Carol being the first to hug me and that quickly comfort me, and the most important thing of all before I left she told me that she loved me and I was her girl.  I just wonder if she knew, if she felt it or was she just learning like I to just seemly love everyone and not wait, but say it the minute that your heart cries for it.    I cried, now for the first time I was able to finally cry, and than before I totally lost it I looked up and said, God I love you adore you, you are my awesome creator, and you know the plans, and then I cried again.

If Only I Could Cry

March 5, 2012

            My head is clogged with a thousand thoughts with death and life.  One of my cousins passed away last night.  My head quickly fast forward to the funeral not another one, she was so young and now she has left this earth.  I’m reminded of the last time I seen her at my Great Aunts Funeral it was only for a moment because she ran out to comfort her mother who just could take the sight of her dearly departed mother… Seems weird now wish I would have said something or at least hugged her.  I chose to fight back tears, but I don’t know for what or for that matter how long.  Seems too short, this life.   If we could only turn back time, we hear that often enough times in this life everyone says that but, if I could turn back time, oh how true I feel that now.  If I could I would want to go back to at least 4 years ago and I would spend a whole day just traveling around to hug and talk to all the people who is now not hear.  I would actually take the time and listen to what the preacher was saying and I would pray that, that day with going back would last forever.  But I I never learn from the pass I'll always keep wanting to relive the pass and that's something I truly can't change.  That’s why I always say I love when I mean it.  Or I miss when I mean it, because I learned that people need to heard that and not only that, but I need that, and I need to tell them my true feeling regardless of what that make me look like or seem like.  Just for the simple fact that this life is short period.

 Just last night I was listening to Samuel and how God

said he was going to take David’s son away because of his sin.  David prayed and fast for the child while he was living just in case God would change his mind.  Now that’s something, everything happens for a purpose where told, after the death of his son David was an unstoppable Christian and his prays reached God’s heart. 

 If were merely here on this earth just to love.  I mean big love how big was the love that David had for God when he  took his son away, it was so big that David kept loving God even though his son was dead.  How David relied on God to fill the broken pieces of his heart. That’s how we should be not trying to figure out God’s plan because clearly our small brain could not even take all the wonders that make God who he is.     Simply just love, love seems to be the thing that heal, the thing that reaches God heart, love heals. 

            Just last night as I worked I prayed and I poured out my heart to God… I love him so much and still do he knows the ends and the out of things.  All I can do is boast about him he has me.  Now I’m reminded of my foolish acts this weekend a load of fun almost coast me my life.   Chest pounding as the building filled up with smoke from smokers I couldn’t breath realizing now that life is to precious.  I thank God that he will continue to do a good work in me.  I breath in every ounce of this life for God. HE HAS ME.

Babies

Dear God,
            I thank you for my babies.  Their now in your hands awaiting their arrival.  Waiting for the day that their Mommy and Daddy will find each other commit to a life together and than become one together .  To my future babies know that Mommy loves you so much and I thank God for you everyday.  Know that right now your mommy is preparing herself to be the best for you.  I thank God everyday for holding you in his hand.  My healthy babies.  I'll love your smiles, your wonderful baby smells, and the wonderful outfits I will one day be blessed to dress you in.  I can't wait to tell you about the Lord and how he love you and how he will never leave you.  The day when you accept God in to your heart that will fill my eyes with tears, but my heart with joy.Your Father and I will be pray warriors over you for years to come and you will see us as examples for a christian life.   

With love Always From your faith Speaking Mother...

I Am A Artist

March 5, 2012

            Another day has ended it seems to be so quick that I have a hard time catching up.   Did I tell you I’m an artist wow it sort of happen, well not really you know years of work..  I’m an artist wow I can see my Grandfather if he would be a live he would be so proud.  He was an artist as well and I still have some of his wonderful pieces.  You know sometimes I wonder if our elders can see our potential, because I couldn’t even spell but I could draw isn’t that something my grandfather seen me as an artist… This little skinny girl who almost die twice and he saw greatness out of me.  I remember once I had a fever I was little but all I remember seeing is red everything was red.  I remember my grandfather scoping me up like he was Superman and taking me out of my parents’ house and putting me in his big green Catholic.  He rolled all the windows down and drove to the nearest store and got me the biggest popsicle they had it was red of course.  He drove and drove and then my fever want down as I was enjoying my time with my grandfather.  I remember always being sick but he being there.  I guess that’s maybe why he wanted me to learn art.  I know now after taking some classes that he was trying to show me shapes of a picture.  I wish I could tell him I’m sorry that I could look at art the same way after he die.  It just was too hard and it hurt, but now it has become an outlet.  It’s like a dear friend, it keeps me busy.  I remember the last time when I saw my grandfather he had lost both of his legs but he was my grandfather I never was afraid of him I knew he could never walk again but, I love him even more.  I always ran up to him and hugged him and he would always pat me on the back.  I miss that so much I miss his smile and the feeling of getting a kiss on the check from his beard.  I miss that.  This year it will be 18yrs since he past my strong Superman Grandfather I miss him and I love him always and now just like him I can say I am an Artist. J