If Only I Could Cry

March 5, 2012

            My head is clogged with a thousand thoughts with death and life.  One of my cousins passed away last night.  My head quickly fast forward to the funeral not another one, she was so young and now she has left this earth.  I’m reminded of the last time I seen her at my Great Aunts Funeral it was only for a moment because she ran out to comfort her mother who just could take the sight of her dearly departed mother… Seems weird now wish I would have said something or at least hugged her.  I chose to fight back tears, but I don’t know for what or for that matter how long.  Seems too short, this life.   If we could only turn back time, we hear that often enough times in this life everyone says that but, if I could turn back time, oh how true I feel that now.  If I could I would want to go back to at least 4 years ago and I would spend a whole day just traveling around to hug and talk to all the people who is now not hear.  I would actually take the time and listen to what the preacher was saying and I would pray that, that day with going back would last forever.  But I I never learn from the pass I'll always keep wanting to relive the pass and that's something I truly can't change.  That’s why I always say I love when I mean it.  Or I miss when I mean it, because I learned that people need to heard that and not only that, but I need that, and I need to tell them my true feeling regardless of what that make me look like or seem like.  Just for the simple fact that this life is short period.

 Just last night I was listening to Samuel and how God

said he was going to take David’s son away because of his sin.  David prayed and fast for the child while he was living just in case God would change his mind.  Now that’s something, everything happens for a purpose where told, after the death of his son David was an unstoppable Christian and his prays reached God’s heart. 

 If were merely here on this earth just to love.  I mean big love how big was the love that David had for God when he  took his son away, it was so big that David kept loving God even though his son was dead.  How David relied on God to fill the broken pieces of his heart. That’s how we should be not trying to figure out God’s plan because clearly our small brain could not even take all the wonders that make God who he is.     Simply just love, love seems to be the thing that heal, the thing that reaches God heart, love heals. 

            Just last night as I worked I prayed and I poured out my heart to God… I love him so much and still do he knows the ends and the out of things.  All I can do is boast about him he has me.  Now I’m reminded of my foolish acts this weekend a load of fun almost coast me my life.   Chest pounding as the building filled up with smoke from smokers I couldn’t breath realizing now that life is to precious.  I thank God that he will continue to do a good work in me.  I breath in every ounce of this life for God. HE HAS ME.