See you in My Dreams :)

         You where there so peaceful so smooth and more weight than I remember seeing you last. I was in all of you. Your mannerism hasn't changed your smile still looks the same. I was tickled by your look. My Dear Aunt Margie. It seems odd that I would dream of you.. Guess my mind is still on you. You left this earth last September on Labor day how very fitting to find your resting place on a day of rest for all who labor. I can still remember how you looked in my dream so happy so peaceful, on and on we talked on a farm. It remind me of the time when you told me about how you lived on a farm when you where younger. I must have hugged you a dozen times as your southern voice echo though my ears. Did I tell you I miss you? I miss sitting by you even if you where only just mostly sleeping. I miss how you looked up at me as you layed in your bed, my appears bring the biggest smile to your face when you realized who I was. I missed our conversations of the south you where my only connection to the southern and past world. I loved how you told me of all the adventures you had as a kid, telling me how my Great Grandfather travel around starting churches. Telling me how after your mother die, things seemed different and your father flocked to having a new wife, but still seemed to be empty inside. Oh how I love hearing about your trip to heaven and still even till the day you die you want to go back for good. The knitted comfort that would be our DNA that will never stop our family line was simple and true. We talked in my dream but I can't remember much about what. You laughed oh how I realize now how much I miss it. I miss your presents, but I had no tears this time because seeing you happy and laughing was the most beautiful thing in the world and I know finally you are happy in Heaven just like before.

Wish me Not

My mind is bogged down with thoughts that shouldn't even concern me.  Why do I even care?  Why can't I just be the jerk that I know is breathing deep down inside me.  That jerk that only cares about me and mine and my precious cargo that make me complete.  So tired of trying to make this good part in me works, what's the point?  Everyone moves at their own pace a pace that sets the race and ends there own story.  I wish I could.... why wish, because within a wish like with every fairytale lies a creepy deep seeded evil that cause you to lose more than the wish could even grant.  I just stare out into a world that is so unrecognizable, yet has it's looks of peace at time.  Never give up I was told, I remember that feeling when I was being told that it was like a code for the future that only comes out when I feel slightly defeated.  For only than when your pushed to the wall and everything that brings you joy is stripped way that is when a voice speaks up telling never give up and oh what perfect timing.
So now I find myself comforted by words of wisdom.  Those powerful words that gives me hope.  I see myself looking back at this time and seeing nothing but greatness coming out of it for when trials come count it all joy.. Man I was just reading that last night, count it all joy how do I see the joy in this.  How do I, I must see the joy because James saids: Count it all joy,my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the test of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect that you maybe perfect and complete, and lacking in nothing.

Let Steadfastness have its full effect could that mean all the pain that comes thought the trials, the pain that you can't control.  Don't stop it and let it take it's full effect hum that is interesting so interesting let it take the course so that you can be perfect and complete.  Wow perfect and complete you can't be perfect without having that complete feeling.  So yet again I'll see the joy in all, because man what is to come many not be peaceful but if I walk this trial thought I would have reached a level that gives me strength.  So I'm going to say it with fist up ready to punch anything that's pushing me down.. Joy comes in the morning and Guess What?  It's morning!

Week #2 and Week #3 Week #4, Week #5, Week #6Lessons are flowing through My week, can you find yours? I'm back now week #8

So I decided to do something different.  Life is hard okay yes it is, but God gives us lessons and I'm convinces that we have more lessons then we think.  God gives us lesson that we need in our life do I want to look at my life lessons and see if I've learned or failed well I won't say failed but I will say tripped over.  So this week as emotional as it was, what did I learn?  Okay so in this week the thing that I think I've learned is that letting go can be a postive thing.  I think that for the first time I let go in a positvie way and for the first time there was no pain it was beautiful.  Ha-ha it gave me hope I mean if I really look at this week it has has been a great learning week for me and I took the challenge as hard as it felt, I looked at the good (kind of reminds me about what God said think on these things, what so ever things are good and lovely, of good report think on these things).  Also I learned that everyone needs a good conversation every now and then.  I learned that sometimes you have to admit your feelings and it's totally okay.   The last thing that I learned  is that if he's telling you that he remembers you from High School, walking the halls everyday than it might mean that he had a supper crush, and that's flattering.  Like I said before I go for this week that we all have lessons and this week I finally focused on mine and it was a great thing.  So my challenge for you this week is to see your lessons and realize them.  

Week # 2....April 21st lessons learned this week:

Wow this week I was able to eat lunch with an old high school friend. The thing I learned is that friendship knows no time we haven't been able to sit and talk for more than 12yrs but we just picked up from where we left off :) I also learned that either I pick some really good friends or I am a blessed sister when it comes to friends.  Because my friends are very loving and caring just like me.  The other thing I learned is to procrastinate with school papers is not a good thing, because sooner rather than later they are do and for some reason when there late all it does is make me even more  nervous and that makes it 10 times harder to write a paper.  The last thing I learned is I really need watch the clock more this is the second time I was late to meet a friend not cool, but I'm learning that I have to stop multi-tasking so close to outing.  This week lessons, I'm learning a lot make sure you take the time to find yours.

                                                           Week #3  April 28th"It keeps Continuing"
Okay so today is the first day of this weeks lessons but I learned somthing about myself.  I learned that I sometimes set myself up for failure.  It's almost like a test to see if I'll come out a head it's like an internal battle with myself and most times I fail.  So I learned that I'm no longer going to be cool with that.... I need to be happy with being succeful and win in every avenue of my life look to mind, body, soul, with feelings and emontions.  Either with relationships I need to take care of me and be happy for me where I am.  I think that sometimes I find joy in attaching myself to failing relationships no more I'm on the winning time.  I need to take care of me because when I do that than the people around me will be blessed no questions ask.  Evaluating me thats the key seeing me and learning me and pushing me.  I'm no longer going to down play who I am I'm strong and powerful watch me roar. 

Week #4 May 2nd  "Seeing the Facts"

What have I learned this week?  I learn that I beat myself up way too much.  Also that I can do it and I am successful.  School this week is brutally hard but I’m getting everything done and way before it needs to be.   I guess last week faze of procrastination has caused this week to be a success.  Who would have thought?  So I guess I can do it.  J  

On a personal note I realized that some guys are just born to be jerks and that’s the bottom line.  I have already decided to stop falling into relationships that are failing and finally be in ones that are promising for me I need that.  I tell you what this journey is not easy, but it is a fight for my freedom a freedom that was taken away when I was just a little girl.  So addressing these issues is a good thing and I feel great for finally standing up for me.  Wonderful week of learning now I know that I’m not the only one learning make sure that you write down everthing you learn so you can go back and see how far you are growing ok.    J

Week #5 Uhmm

This week I learn the importance's of destiny.

What are you dreams and what are your goals.  Are you even dreaming anymore.  I had to look at my dreams and ask myself that question.  What am I dreaming?  What are my goals and not just my long term goals but my short term goals, because isn't in your shot term goals that make your long term goals become a reality.  The reality is that everything adds up to be something.  I that's the case I have a lot to do. Making my life and dreams count its time. 

Week #6 May 14th More thanThree in One can you count them!

So life keeps moving and you do well to keep it working, but never forget to look around at whats going in soak it all in.  That's what I learned this week.  You know I may have to fight every day for the true love that I want, but I will learn to soak in a and enjoy every piece of life right now.  I see that things are not the way I have planned them but its still working out.  Also I learned that when someones said hey this is for you look carefully because it just might not be.  You may just be around for the ride to lighten the load and just know you are take the blow from the fall so make sure you look out for yourself before you look out for others....  

The other thing that I learned and mostly from TD Jake's, but its good so I'm using it.  "Just because someone want to know about you dreams doesn't mean there part of your destiny."  I am learning to keep my dreams hidden until the have a chance to grow. 

Week #7 The Battle of Time

Wow... so the thing that I learned is the battle with time.   So it seems that you can over come the battle of time just by turning the corner to your destiny.  You know when you are really hungry for your destiny you will turn off everything, TV station, music, people, books you will turn off everything that doesn't have anything to do with your destiny, and watch it work magic.  I learn that sometimes I find myself battling time when I want my feeling to rub my ego.  Its something because when you try to rub your ego nothing gets done because your ego is selfish.  So  I learn to leave my ego in my shallows and have it follow behind so that I can workout my destiny. 

 

#8 Well what have I learned this week.. First that life has big ups and downs but it's best to not worry on the downs for fear of getting sucked in. The other thing I learned is that sometimes its just best to be there for your friends even you you have no words and that friend that lets you in when there hurting is giving you trust so take it lightly in love because it's real. Also people will always show the true colors in dew time so don't be surprise nor shock if they never inteaded to help you. It's okay if you follow that relationship with peace and unclear answers. The last thing is make your day count by ending your night with someone who cares, that face to face friend who love you no matter what. You'll be Surprice how awsome you feel even it only over a text. :) the Happiness becomes contagious.

Blessed

If I just keep thanking God than I can't think about it.  My Dear Friend moving.  Man I'm hurting.  I'm hurting I'm trying to be strong but these tears keep coming.  I'm wishing and praying, but clearly it must be.  So here I am in the computer lab...with sunglasses on, as tears come streaming down. 
I thank God for he has places us on this planted in this world on this country at this state.  To form this bond to become so strong, and to understand life a little better.  I feel lucky, no blessed, truly blessed because wow if this special gift is so special and has grown to be such a beautiful friendship something that I couldn't even dream up.  But yet God seen it and allowed it and and knew that I needed it... It makes me think that what is to come is going to be so big and so beautiful and so special and so loving and giving.. What if I think of it as this way that this is only the beginning.  Wow I believe that this is from God, this is only the beginning.  He's got so much in store and if its anything like the last few year learning, hurting and loving than wow...  If I've learned anything its is that I must keep pushing and keep loving and keep being me because that, that is my testimony that is the only gift I can give. 

Philippians 2:1  So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfrot from love any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2. complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.