The Hard times with....

Feb 26, 2012

            So I dumbed him, well not really because we haven’t even met.  So how could this be although we didn’t meet in the physical we met in our hearts, kissed with our hearts and I feel numb. He filled so many of my needs and now I just feel so numb, so with love I’m taking myself out of the game ready to take a seat on the sidelines. 

I hate when people say that this pain will make senses later. How can that be true because I have felt this pain more times than once and I’m beginning to think that love is so content in leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.  I feel like I jump up to hug love and it pushes me down.  It sucks because yet again I’m left to deal with this all alone no words of comfort, no loving pats on my back so now I can see why so many women stay with a man that’s no good.  I know now it’s not the man but this feeling this feeling of numbness and the fear of trying to love again. So here it is late night hours and I can’t sleep.   I know I will love again and I will put myself back in the game, but for now I’m going to do me.  All me I’m ready for the good life with painted nails, high heels and mini skirt, working on me because I know I am not my  pass so it’s time to upgrade and hoping in this endeavor I don’t lose myself.  I still have faith he to will come and while were now apart he is still praying for me.

Signing Out: God  please send my Praying Man.

Sleeples Nights of An Art Girl

Feb 20, 2012

Ok. So I’m sleepy.   I wish I could just sleep and I will in a few minutes I haven’t even eaten yet but I’m not even hungry.  All I want to do is sleep is that even normal.   I enjoy my bed I enjoy that I’m a new member of Netflix and I can now watch what I want when I want.  I enjoy snuggling up in my covers while the sun is still shining.  I enjoy have a quite house so I can just sleep.  I do miss the business of life but hey that what the weekends are for.   I feel like sometimes I’m traveling to another continent and If I don’t try to at least reach out to people I maybe lost at sea.  So I send as many text messages out that I can, just so I can have a grasp of life, just so I know hey you’re not alone.  Then that moment comes when I get that text that said, I miss you 2 or Luv u Sis and then I know I’m not alone. 

Signing out:
Sleepless Nights of a 3shift Art girl.   

Just Pray

            The power of pray.  Wow, so, I have two times in a role this week seen God move with the power of pray.  It’s strange because I haven’t really prayed a lot.  Well I’ve pray here and there but never praying all the time.  I mean like continuously like all the time, lol I mean is that even possible. I use to think that was hard, I mean like real hard work, it has to be right, I mean who really have the time.  Oh I know Pastor’s and Deacons, oh yeah and Bishops.  They have to have time to pray their on the clock anyway, right.  It’s strange  how life and it always changing moments cause you to see something’s and than y0u know that pray is a must.  Now I know that praying continuously is something that can be obtained it’s just having a mindset.  The mindset praying first, not cursing or shouting out careless thoughts, just going there first and praying.  I use to think that I had to be in a physical  place, a place that would caused my heart to be humble, but that's not the case.  Having the mindset means that you can pray anywhere.  Now I know you need facts right, so here facts from one of the oldest books on the earth… The Bible.    A man by the name of David prayed to God all the time, before he want to battle, and listen to God’s voice and if he wasn’t sure he would ask God the same question again.  See David stopped praying after he got all the things that he wanted, and then  of course everyone knows he got into a lot of mess. Though everything with all the ups and the downs David returned back to prayer, and he became one of the greatest (well I’m convinced anyway) pray warriors.  David prayed and his prayers reached God’s heart. 

So back to reality, my life can it be done.  Can I really be this praying Diva? Can I really set my mind there, to set my mind on the things of God and start winning these spiritual battles through prayer?  So I have been personally challenged myself…  to not just pray the Lords pray or anything, but just to pray when I’m not sure of things.  Not the I’m in danger type of pray, but the type of praying that says I know I can’t do it on my own so I’m going to ask my father God what he thinks and then I’m going to act out of his will.   Now that’s something isn’t doing God’s will, I can hear God, but will I do his will.  That is something I’m working on with myself right now.   I say I can’t hear God he’s not speaking… New flash he is but we have seemed to train our ears to tune him out.  It’s God speaking and it’s not through our minds….get this it’s through our hearts…  Now that’s something isn’t it God speaking through our hearts.  You can feel your heart, how you might say well when it speak you feel the pain.  Wither it be through needs or love you can feel it.  I believe that God moves more through the actions of our hearts than anything else.  I know when something hits me and I’m like man, why did I say that or why did I do that, that is God tugging at your heart saying come on now daughter. Then before you know it your like I got to speak to that person I have to say I’m sorry.  That’s  what the world calls your conscience, but I feel that’s God.   It’s funny how we have misplaced his name with consciences to justified feeling we have.  So I know how do I pray to God…It’s been so long right. 

Ha ha no problem I’ll help.. Talk to God like you would talk to your friend tell him the good and the bad..

Wow so, yes I’m saying God wants to know you bad thoughts everything NEWS FLASH he already knows it but, you telling him shows your heart it tells him that, right here and right now you’re valuing his relationship with you. 

 Your valuing his response on your life your letting him know, like you would let your friends know I need you.  I think that is only half of the best part… one of the best thing is God sends his Angles to watch over you and fight your battles in the supernatural.. So command them to go before you their waiting on your faith to start speaking those things.. I can just image them saying Yes father God she’s getting it.  Just say Angel’s please go before me and protect the seen and unseen.  It’s like God wants to move he is just waiting for us to set the road map for the supernatural.  I just didn’t come up with this knowledge on my own but only by listening to the word of God. 

So if you want to learn more about God moving check out Samuel is a nice place to start with having the mindset of pray and hearing God's voice.  So  now you've had your cup of tea/coffee so enjoy your day.

Your Never Truly Forgotten

Feb, 13, 2012

      Did you ever wonder?  O.k. so I know I’m not the only one who has ever thought this but… Now you’re walking down the street or in the library and you see this person.

Your taken by surprise because this person favors someone you know who has passed away.  Your eyes gaze you can’t take your eyes off this person and you feel a little ashamed too because you know that person has now caught your gaze.  You smile and they return the favor. 

Now how can that be, this happens to me all the time.  I see a person and they many look just like someone I know or they have something that reminds me of that person.  I know this might be happening because I’m always looking at people not staring, but I like looking in the eyes of people.  I don’t know why, because to half of the world it doesn’t matter, in fact it’s so normal to just run about your day and not really see a person.  But I can’t, a wise person once told me that when you meet a person you look them in the eye and keep some kind of eye contact to say engaged in the conversation.  Now, I don’t mean look hard and become a stocker or anything but, look at the person… Now that is a craft.  So, now, here I am, engulfed with memories of those who have gone before us, all those love ones that captured our hearts.   I see it in a smile or a noise and in a walk or talk, but very rare, and I mean very rare can I actual see the person.  I mean I’m taking triple takes because they look just like them and then I can’t stop but to say, Thank God.  Because to me I had them again, if only just for this small moment of time, a small simple glance… For me I have them again.     

Signing out: Your never forgotten 

             

The Villain In Me

It seems to be a blessing to be in an open environment at work where you, no longer have to duck and hide from people ready to stab you in the back.  So why am I still in fight mode after all this time you think I would have recover from the hurt and the pain of the job before.  9 years and 8months of living hell for the most part, but now that I take a real good look at myself I am no longer being the victim it seems as if I have become the villain.   I easily and careless inflict pain to whoever I’m near.  Words that spit out with no control.  It’s like I’m finally free to be me but I have twisted into this unrecognizable villain.  I can see myself I know I'm there but I can't get to me anymore.  The 9 years and 8months of fight mold has left me disfigured.   I'm finally sick of what I've become and today I must stop.  It’s not easy, and I must be aware of my tongue at all time's before it causes pain to the one's I dearly love.  It’s not easy, and I must be aware of my tongue at all times before it causes me to slip in villain mode.

Signing out The Villain in Me