Fast

Okay So Im in this class and I just can't seem to get it together.. Man Got to focus so this will be short.  Taking the time to just be in someones life is a BIG thing a simple phone call or even text goes a long way.  Today I feel extra Blessed to have a friend ride the wavys with me as I write my paper and she write's her sermon.  I think most of the time God how am I so lucky to have such caring friends and he said this plan an simple..... IT'S WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY PUT OUT... 

Fair Weather Friend

My fair weather friend. Have you thought of those season friends or relationships that comes and with its season seems to go.   Sometimes I feel that I can only understand there purpose when there no longer close in connection... But God... Stop and think of how well he orcherstrates everthing.   Hummm he has the bigger plan even when we can't see it.. So they say a storm is to come heavy rain.. Funny cause I had a dream of a flood earlier this month.  I'm not worried because I know that God has me... Isn't that something to be in the company of a King and he sees it so fit to care about you.   So blessed and always with that blessing you are to be a blessing.   Isn't that something too he just doesn't bless you so you can just parade around being richer than Solomon but only to be a blessing.  God may fill fit to bless you because there's a lack in the land so he's sending you to be that blessing and give its like he's looking for someone trust worthy  ;) My God is a God all about his people heart! That in us self is selfless.  What more can I say but lets live the God who has created all things.  

There's Changes All Around ME! Week #1, Week 2 Love of Coures, to be Graded.

Some people say that they never see change.  I beg to differ, if you can't see change than you are not looking its just that simple. So I encourage you to LOOK........

Okay I looked out and what did I see.  I see change, I see people and I see love.  You know sometimes I can be so quick to judge thinking that no one is changing but me, but I look out for my funky little glasses and I see the world is changing.  We have all been here for sometimes and yes its so quick like a vapor in time.  But I see kindness.  This week I saw real people searching after a real God and there was something so attractive about that. The world of God is a powerful thing we just have to do ourselves a favor and get in it.  So I challenge you this week to read The Word of God!

Week two: October 3rd, 2012
Love of Course to be Graded
I'm told to just enjoy life!!! That's right God has informed me to just have fun and enjoy no more stressing on phone calls with who calls or who doesn't.  No more crying about bring single, no more looking at things so pitifully. God said look around and enjoy, enjoy life and the love that you have.  Remember where supposed to be happy in the little things. I'm truly feeling blessed for those who care.  I think that God places you with just the things you need at the right time that you need.  How can you love others when you can't even love the ones around you... Now think about that I have to be willing to love those who God has placed in my life right now... It could be animals for some, but think about it everyone has neighbor to love.  God's a genius because he wants us to love our neighbors as ourselves as ourselves... So it matters how you love you, it matters if you take the time love those near and far and allowing them in return to love you back.  It doesn't just happen, with God's help we make it happen.   Learning and changing daily... Love you all!! ;)

Something BIG

You know how you have that feeling its like deep inside you that something great is coming.  I've been having this feeling now for a few weeks now and I can't explain it but to say that something great is coming.  I look at myself and my life and I'm in all of most of the things that I have done and still continue to do.  It seems as if all this time God has been telling me, No Shouting rather that the little things matter and that my best times are right NOW...  The moment your living in right now is he only moment you get to change, isn't that something.  I can't change yesterday or even last week, but I can change what happens today to change what happens tomorrow only by my actions on today.  So it's kind of like if I get ready for today and do the small things of today than that will help the small things of tomorrow a lot lighter, they will still be there but not at the intensity.

Now I have to be honest............ I have been in chill mold so much that it haves gotten in every avenue of my life.  It's like I was just waiting for the easy road in life until God woke me up this week and said wait a minute, baby girl this is as easy as its going to get, and then that made me look around and it wasn't so bad.  The things I had to pick up where so small but it was my chill mode that was killing them.  So if I do the little things perfect it will snowball to my life style. 

Now isn't that something everyone said you can 't be perfect, and we all know we can 't but can your life  style be?  Think on that can my life style be perfect event when I myself can not.  I think it can, what do you think.. This is something to make you exam your life and say hold up, I need this change its time to do some cleaning.  Because I will always make mistakes, but I can learn from them and from that I can make sure that I don't keep making those same mistake.  That is what makes you perfect.  It's not never making a mistake, but the ability to learn and than change from your mistakes.  

Ipod Shuffle

So here I am again and I feel at this present time that writing this blog is my only signs of freedom.  My course loads are so small for the moment but I still feel the need to write.  It seem like every time I take a seat at the computer in the library all I want to do is write.  I'm chained to this computer for the next 2hrs trying to do a Lab that is so distance to me. 
As I think about everything in life and how just in this week we fought battles, and truly pray is the only way to find that internal peace.  Yesterday, well this morning because I work 3rd shift I was talking to a co-worker and for the moment we where talking about our spiritual walk with Christ, and I had to be honest because theses last couple of weeks I have felt distance.   Sitting and trying to understand how and why was I so far away from the God that I love with all of my heart, how did this happen? 
As we talked I realized that it had been all of my own doing.. I planted the seed thinking that its only that one song, and beside I love this one song what can it hurt.  But the reality is that this one song open the door to the next one song and before I knew it my whole play-list had changed.  I was no longer listing to "You Are Holy", but instead "Drop it Like it's Hot", dancing and getting the feel of what seemed like harmless human nature became my biggest thrist.  Now I didn't care and everything that I looked at had changed.

It seems that when something crazy happens in life that so simple and you think wow that could have been me it makes you wake up.  Than is when you step back and reevaluate whats really important in your life.  Being in that moment strong enough now to turn away repent, thank God for his grace and walk- it- out in God.

So in that moment its no longer can I stand but WILL I STAND!

I Will Stand and let go and Trust. 

You cured me with you unablity to love.... Thank You God for giving me the straight to say No and mean it.

So Dream!

I spy with my little eye something wonderful.  The power of the tongue.  The power of a dream.  Why don't we dream anymore, we are just here bottling all are ideals into this column called the Internet.  A painting pallet stays empty to noted looks of, what emptiness.  No more let us dream again.  I spy dreams, dreams that give love and peace and hope.  So with my mouth I speak out dreams and with my actions I live out dreams... So Dream!

Bitter- Sweat

It's seems that tomorrow I have another funeral to got to. It seems unreal but I felt I should go even tho I only met her onces but feeling conected to my deep family tree I felt compelled too go. So I called my cuzins trying to understand our line in the family tree only to find out that this is his Grandmother oh how bitter sweet now. The feelings and clear wanting that come from a funeral are all so very scary. How does one deal with this many deaths in a row... Well I just haven't thought about it, only at the time that I am in the moment than I let it go. It's like at first it was hard for me to even sleep at night, but than I started to listen to God's word and it gave me peace. Peace in the storm.

It's Party Time!!

Last night was amazing  after a restless week well mostly because my work schedule changed from night shift to day shift, and I mean like real early 5am baby.  I had some time to adjust but this week was hard because every time I see the sunlight all I want to do is sleep.  Hopefully this week I can sleep like normal people.  OK so back to last night.  Its funny because I never fully focus on the party.  I just focus on the food and getting them there.   I have like little things planned and before I knew the party came together and thank God it did.  You know they say those who you hang around can have a big impact on you, and I feel that's so true.  I fill like no matter what you can't stop as a friend.  So you want to have friends so let me tell you it's hard work, very hard work, but the reward factor to that is having a family.  You work at things you want to work in your life and we all know what we do to things we don't want to work.....NOTHING.  It won't just happen you have to work at it.  I think that's what every elder said if you get a change to talk to them from time to time do, ask them questions I know I did when I worked at the home.   They had me really thinking.. I mean they have lived and can tell you how to understand it more what to focus on and how to make friendships work.  They tell you how important it is to have friends and how life is.  There's no special code to love believe me I have ask so many times, but the most thing that I realised is that sometime love comes when you least expected it and love is simple.  That's right its so simple it's just wanting to be with that person and see him and talk to him that's love and you know it just like when you know when its not you know when it is. 
SO like to our wonderful toast last night to a sweat fruit drink to the Next Chapter Of life.. Chapter 31 for me and its going to be amazing.

...But...

Me, You, We, Us.... I need you and you need me and we together make us. So simple I find myself just here looking, feeling, and wondering. How, why what could I do. God were you trying to talk to me. I couldn't sleep these last couple of days and I did pray, I did truly and I gave my heart. Than I heard the call as the rain ran down, so it seems as if someone has passed away. One of my born cosines but called Auntie by age. Her daughter just died two months ago and now she has also. Truly how do I feel i don't know. All I know is that life and dead come and I need to look more to the signs. I think that the patterns of a persons action can predict whats to happen... I'm not totally sure but I think anyway. So what now. How do I feel again? Only by you, I need you all of you family and friends you complete me you make me live. We become strong like bricks together holding up a building, because we are the body. I need the values that come out of us, I need the goals that make us and all of us together make God's perfect vision of life. But God if like I could erase all the words above and say you are my King. The beginning and the end, you have me no matter what you have me and love me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my King. 

Summer goals minus 30 :)

5/2/12

Well now I have decided to lose more weight.  For me starting this summer but for me because of school summer begins May 14^th yeah!!!  So I have decided to do a blog about my summer weight lose goal of 30pounds.  I want to lose 30 more pounds and if I could only all in my upper body and stomach weight.  So I will target those areas this summer in hopes to reach my goal of 30 pounds lighter… Now last year I had a goal of 30 and ended losing 25 so this is going to be a stretch, but I am determine to fight this goal become healthier and yes sexier too.   So I plan to make week by week of weight loss and feeling along with workouts.

Week One:May  14-18th
 Okay so the only thing that I did this week was Karate... I forgot one major thing about this start date... The fact is that my working schedule will have me only sleeping.  So next week will see what will work wish me luck.

Week Two:
Let's Go Monday today I wake up doing 100 seat ups and 50 push ups..
Than I lift weights and went to Karate.  Now this was my first time being able to be there on time.  I as the workout continued I thought I was going to pass out.  That never happened before so it made me think of one thing.  Water I need to drink more water.  I haven't really drank any water today so that is my goal as I continue that minus 30 Challenge. 

He Thinks he's so smooth

Some people are met to be  in your life to lift you up and move you to the next level they'll hold your hand and pepper you with sweet love.  Maybe I wasn't that into him maybe it's what I can see him doing for me oh my selfish ways. The future, maybe he just saw me as an asset.   Not as a wife but as a friend a friend that he could help make him successful tell him he's the man.  Its like I'm his asset like a slave that had no mussels until his master inflicted him with hard labor but in the end he becomes a huge asset to the master.A Money getter racked up the cash so he can say that's mine. He's so smooth to the touch he so smooth. Funny thinking now.  He almost had me almost won me over.

See you in My Dreams :)

         You where there so peaceful so smooth and more weight than I remember seeing you last. I was in all of you. Your mannerism hasn't changed your smile still looks the same. I was tickled by your look. My Dear Aunt Margie. It seems odd that I would dream of you.. Guess my mind is still on you. You left this earth last September on Labor day how very fitting to find your resting place on a day of rest for all who labor. I can still remember how you looked in my dream so happy so peaceful, on and on we talked on a farm. It remind me of the time when you told me about how you lived on a farm when you where younger. I must have hugged you a dozen times as your southern voice echo though my ears. Did I tell you I miss you? I miss sitting by you even if you where only just mostly sleeping. I miss how you looked up at me as you layed in your bed, my appears bring the biggest smile to your face when you realized who I was. I missed our conversations of the south you where my only connection to the southern and past world. I loved how you told me of all the adventures you had as a kid, telling me how my Great Grandfather travel around starting churches. Telling me how after your mother die, things seemed different and your father flocked to having a new wife, but still seemed to be empty inside. Oh how I love hearing about your trip to heaven and still even till the day you die you want to go back for good. The knitted comfort that would be our DNA that will never stop our family line was simple and true. We talked in my dream but I can't remember much about what. You laughed oh how I realize now how much I miss it. I miss your presents, but I had no tears this time because seeing you happy and laughing was the most beautiful thing in the world and I know finally you are happy in Heaven just like before.

Wish me Not

My mind is bogged down with thoughts that shouldn't even concern me.  Why do I even care?  Why can't I just be the jerk that I know is breathing deep down inside me.  That jerk that only cares about me and mine and my precious cargo that make me complete.  So tired of trying to make this good part in me works, what's the point?  Everyone moves at their own pace a pace that sets the race and ends there own story.  I wish I could.... why wish, because within a wish like with every fairytale lies a creepy deep seeded evil that cause you to lose more than the wish could even grant.  I just stare out into a world that is so unrecognizable, yet has it's looks of peace at time.  Never give up I was told, I remember that feeling when I was being told that it was like a code for the future that only comes out when I feel slightly defeated.  For only than when your pushed to the wall and everything that brings you joy is stripped way that is when a voice speaks up telling never give up and oh what perfect timing.
So now I find myself comforted by words of wisdom.  Those powerful words that gives me hope.  I see myself looking back at this time and seeing nothing but greatness coming out of it for when trials come count it all joy.. Man I was just reading that last night, count it all joy how do I see the joy in this.  How do I, I must see the joy because James saids: Count it all joy,my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the test of your faith produces steadfastness, and let steadfastness have its full effect that you maybe perfect and complete, and lacking in nothing.

Let Steadfastness have its full effect could that mean all the pain that comes thought the trials, the pain that you can't control.  Don't stop it and let it take it's full effect hum that is interesting so interesting let it take the course so that you can be perfect and complete.  Wow perfect and complete you can't be perfect without having that complete feeling.  So yet again I'll see the joy in all, because man what is to come many not be peaceful but if I walk this trial thought I would have reached a level that gives me strength.  So I'm going to say it with fist up ready to punch anything that's pushing me down.. Joy comes in the morning and Guess What?  It's morning!

Week #2 and Week #3 Week #4, Week #5, Week #6Lessons are flowing through My week, can you find yours? I'm back now week #8

So I decided to do something different.  Life is hard okay yes it is, but God gives us lessons and I'm convinces that we have more lessons then we think.  God gives us lesson that we need in our life do I want to look at my life lessons and see if I've learned or failed well I won't say failed but I will say tripped over.  So this week as emotional as it was, what did I learn?  Okay so in this week the thing that I think I've learned is that letting go can be a postive thing.  I think that for the first time I let go in a positvie way and for the first time there was no pain it was beautiful.  Ha-ha it gave me hope I mean if I really look at this week it has has been a great learning week for me and I took the challenge as hard as it felt, I looked at the good (kind of reminds me about what God said think on these things, what so ever things are good and lovely, of good report think on these things).  Also I learned that everyone needs a good conversation every now and then.  I learned that sometimes you have to admit your feelings and it's totally okay.   The last thing that I learned  is that if he's telling you that he remembers you from High School, walking the halls everyday than it might mean that he had a supper crush, and that's flattering.  Like I said before I go for this week that we all have lessons and this week I finally focused on mine and it was a great thing.  So my challenge for you this week is to see your lessons and realize them.  

Week # 2....April 21st lessons learned this week:

Wow this week I was able to eat lunch with an old high school friend. The thing I learned is that friendship knows no time we haven't been able to sit and talk for more than 12yrs but we just picked up from where we left off :) I also learned that either I pick some really good friends or I am a blessed sister when it comes to friends.  Because my friends are very loving and caring just like me.  The other thing I learned is to procrastinate with school papers is not a good thing, because sooner rather than later they are do and for some reason when there late all it does is make me even more  nervous and that makes it 10 times harder to write a paper.  The last thing I learned is I really need watch the clock more this is the second time I was late to meet a friend not cool, but I'm learning that I have to stop multi-tasking so close to outing.  This week lessons, I'm learning a lot make sure you take the time to find yours.

                                                           Week #3  April 28th"It keeps Continuing"
Okay so today is the first day of this weeks lessons but I learned somthing about myself.  I learned that I sometimes set myself up for failure.  It's almost like a test to see if I'll come out a head it's like an internal battle with myself and most times I fail.  So I learned that I'm no longer going to be cool with that.... I need to be happy with being succeful and win in every avenue of my life look to mind, body, soul, with feelings and emontions.  Either with relationships I need to take care of me and be happy for me where I am.  I think that sometimes I find joy in attaching myself to failing relationships no more I'm on the winning time.  I need to take care of me because when I do that than the people around me will be blessed no questions ask.  Evaluating me thats the key seeing me and learning me and pushing me.  I'm no longer going to down play who I am I'm strong and powerful watch me roar. 

Week #4 May 2nd  "Seeing the Facts"

What have I learned this week?  I learn that I beat myself up way too much.  Also that I can do it and I am successful.  School this week is brutally hard but I’m getting everything done and way before it needs to be.   I guess last week faze of procrastination has caused this week to be a success.  Who would have thought?  So I guess I can do it.  J  

On a personal note I realized that some guys are just born to be jerks and that’s the bottom line.  I have already decided to stop falling into relationships that are failing and finally be in ones that are promising for me I need that.  I tell you what this journey is not easy, but it is a fight for my freedom a freedom that was taken away when I was just a little girl.  So addressing these issues is a good thing and I feel great for finally standing up for me.  Wonderful week of learning now I know that I’m not the only one learning make sure that you write down everthing you learn so you can go back and see how far you are growing ok.    J

Week #5 Uhmm

This week I learn the importance's of destiny.

What are you dreams and what are your goals.  Are you even dreaming anymore.  I had to look at my dreams and ask myself that question.  What am I dreaming?  What are my goals and not just my long term goals but my short term goals, because isn't in your shot term goals that make your long term goals become a reality.  The reality is that everything adds up to be something.  I that's the case I have a lot to do. Making my life and dreams count its time. 

Week #6 May 14th More thanThree in One can you count them!

So life keeps moving and you do well to keep it working, but never forget to look around at whats going in soak it all in.  That's what I learned this week.  You know I may have to fight every day for the true love that I want, but I will learn to soak in a and enjoy every piece of life right now.  I see that things are not the way I have planned them but its still working out.  Also I learned that when someones said hey this is for you look carefully because it just might not be.  You may just be around for the ride to lighten the load and just know you are take the blow from the fall so make sure you look out for yourself before you look out for others....  

The other thing that I learned and mostly from TD Jake's, but its good so I'm using it.  "Just because someone want to know about you dreams doesn't mean there part of your destiny."  I am learning to keep my dreams hidden until the have a chance to grow. 

Week #7 The Battle of Time

Wow... so the thing that I learned is the battle with time.   So it seems that you can over come the battle of time just by turning the corner to your destiny.  You know when you are really hungry for your destiny you will turn off everything, TV station, music, people, books you will turn off everything that doesn't have anything to do with your destiny, and watch it work magic.  I learn that sometimes I find myself battling time when I want my feeling to rub my ego.  Its something because when you try to rub your ego nothing gets done because your ego is selfish.  So  I learn to leave my ego in my shallows and have it follow behind so that I can workout my destiny. 

 

#8 Well what have I learned this week.. First that life has big ups and downs but it's best to not worry on the downs for fear of getting sucked in. The other thing I learned is that sometimes its just best to be there for your friends even you you have no words and that friend that lets you in when there hurting is giving you trust so take it lightly in love because it's real. Also people will always show the true colors in dew time so don't be surprise nor shock if they never inteaded to help you. It's okay if you follow that relationship with peace and unclear answers. The last thing is make your day count by ending your night with someone who cares, that face to face friend who love you no matter what. You'll be Surprice how awsome you feel even it only over a text. :) the Happiness becomes contagious.

Blessed

If I just keep thanking God than I can't think about it.  My Dear Friend moving.  Man I'm hurting.  I'm hurting I'm trying to be strong but these tears keep coming.  I'm wishing and praying, but clearly it must be.  So here I am in the computer lab...with sunglasses on, as tears come streaming down. 
I thank God for he has places us on this planted in this world on this country at this state.  To form this bond to become so strong, and to understand life a little better.  I feel lucky, no blessed, truly blessed because wow if this special gift is so special and has grown to be such a beautiful friendship something that I couldn't even dream up.  But yet God seen it and allowed it and and knew that I needed it... It makes me think that what is to come is going to be so big and so beautiful and so special and so loving and giving.. What if I think of it as this way that this is only the beginning.  Wow I believe that this is from God, this is only the beginning.  He's got so much in store and if its anything like the last few year learning, hurting and loving than wow...  If I've learned anything its is that I must keep pushing and keep loving and keep being me because that, that is my testimony that is the only gift I can give. 

Philippians 2:1  So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfrot from love any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 2. complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Imagine That

To find confidants again.   She's lost herself and you can see it her eyes.  It's like she's gone to this world that is only seen on weekends how could this be.  This world of mystery and no one knows it or so she thinks. 

I'm in a play.  Who would have thought me in a play.  I always thought that I would live the life of a backstage girl, but it looks like I have been destine for theater life.  Ha-ha imagine that...  I do love the stage at first I'm a little scared but than something happens it like I push my fears a side I totally ignore it and before lone the lines they become my much needed friends and than I deliver.  With all power inside I deliver. 

I Stop to Praise You

March 12, 2012

            Today seemed to take its own turn as I try to grasp life again and leave Facebook for some time so I can find me again breath life again and then it happen.   My sister called me and told me that one of my (Facebook friend) a childhood friend mother had passed away today.  The first thing I said was, “What No, total disbelief.  Not again and not Miss Carol.  My heart sink and I have to break my cover from facebook and I check for myself and see, please tell me it’s not true.  Tina reminded me that just 7weeks to date now that we had the baby shower.  I can’t believe that was only seven weeks ago it feels like ages but when you put the dates together it was and she was right just 7 adult weeks ago.  My mine travel quickly back to that day Carol being the first to hug me and that quickly comfort me, and the most important thing of all before I left she told me that she loved me and I was her girl.  I just wonder if she knew, if she felt it or was she just learning like I to just seemly love everyone and not wait, but say it the minute that your heart cries for it.    I cried, now for the first time I was able to finally cry, and than before I totally lost it I looked up and said, God I love you adore you, you are my awesome creator, and you know the plans, and then I cried again.

If Only I Could Cry

March 5, 2012

            My head is clogged with a thousand thoughts with death and life.  One of my cousins passed away last night.  My head quickly fast forward to the funeral not another one, she was so young and now she has left this earth.  I’m reminded of the last time I seen her at my Great Aunts Funeral it was only for a moment because she ran out to comfort her mother who just could take the sight of her dearly departed mother… Seems weird now wish I would have said something or at least hugged her.  I chose to fight back tears, but I don’t know for what or for that matter how long.  Seems too short, this life.   If we could only turn back time, we hear that often enough times in this life everyone says that but, if I could turn back time, oh how true I feel that now.  If I could I would want to go back to at least 4 years ago and I would spend a whole day just traveling around to hug and talk to all the people who is now not hear.  I would actually take the time and listen to what the preacher was saying and I would pray that, that day with going back would last forever.  But I I never learn from the pass I'll always keep wanting to relive the pass and that's something I truly can't change.  That’s why I always say I love when I mean it.  Or I miss when I mean it, because I learned that people need to heard that and not only that, but I need that, and I need to tell them my true feeling regardless of what that make me look like or seem like.  Just for the simple fact that this life is short period.

 Just last night I was listening to Samuel and how God

said he was going to take David’s son away because of his sin.  David prayed and fast for the child while he was living just in case God would change his mind.  Now that’s something, everything happens for a purpose where told, after the death of his son David was an unstoppable Christian and his prays reached God’s heart. 

 If were merely here on this earth just to love.  I mean big love how big was the love that David had for God when he  took his son away, it was so big that David kept loving God even though his son was dead.  How David relied on God to fill the broken pieces of his heart. That’s how we should be not trying to figure out God’s plan because clearly our small brain could not even take all the wonders that make God who he is.     Simply just love, love seems to be the thing that heal, the thing that reaches God heart, love heals. 

            Just last night as I worked I prayed and I poured out my heart to God… I love him so much and still do he knows the ends and the out of things.  All I can do is boast about him he has me.  Now I’m reminded of my foolish acts this weekend a load of fun almost coast me my life.   Chest pounding as the building filled up with smoke from smokers I couldn’t breath realizing now that life is to precious.  I thank God that he will continue to do a good work in me.  I breath in every ounce of this life for God. HE HAS ME.

Babies

Dear God,
            I thank you for my babies.  Their now in your hands awaiting their arrival.  Waiting for the day that their Mommy and Daddy will find each other commit to a life together and than become one together .  To my future babies know that Mommy loves you so much and I thank God for you everyday.  Know that right now your mommy is preparing herself to be the best for you.  I thank God everyday for holding you in his hand.  My healthy babies.  I'll love your smiles, your wonderful baby smells, and the wonderful outfits I will one day be blessed to dress you in.  I can't wait to tell you about the Lord and how he love you and how he will never leave you.  The day when you accept God in to your heart that will fill my eyes with tears, but my heart with joy.Your Father and I will be pray warriors over you for years to come and you will see us as examples for a christian life.   

With love Always From your faith Speaking Mother...

I Am A Artist

March 5, 2012

            Another day has ended it seems to be so quick that I have a hard time catching up.   Did I tell you I’m an artist wow it sort of happen, well not really you know years of work..  I’m an artist wow I can see my Grandfather if he would be a live he would be so proud.  He was an artist as well and I still have some of his wonderful pieces.  You know sometimes I wonder if our elders can see our potential, because I couldn’t even spell but I could draw isn’t that something my grandfather seen me as an artist… This little skinny girl who almost die twice and he saw greatness out of me.  I remember once I had a fever I was little but all I remember seeing is red everything was red.  I remember my grandfather scoping me up like he was Superman and taking me out of my parents’ house and putting me in his big green Catholic.  He rolled all the windows down and drove to the nearest store and got me the biggest popsicle they had it was red of course.  He drove and drove and then my fever want down as I was enjoying my time with my grandfather.  I remember always being sick but he being there.  I guess that’s maybe why he wanted me to learn art.  I know now after taking some classes that he was trying to show me shapes of a picture.  I wish I could tell him I’m sorry that I could look at art the same way after he die.  It just was too hard and it hurt, but now it has become an outlet.  It’s like a dear friend, it keeps me busy.  I remember the last time when I saw my grandfather he had lost both of his legs but he was my grandfather I never was afraid of him I knew he could never walk again but, I love him even more.  I always ran up to him and hugged him and he would always pat me on the back.  I miss that so much I miss his smile and the feeling of getting a kiss on the check from his beard.  I miss that.  This year it will be 18yrs since he past my strong Superman Grandfather I miss him and I love him always and now just like him I can say I am an Artist. J

The Hard times with....

Feb 26, 2012

            So I dumbed him, well not really because we haven’t even met.  So how could this be although we didn’t meet in the physical we met in our hearts, kissed with our hearts and I feel numb. He filled so many of my needs and now I just feel so numb, so with love I’m taking myself out of the game ready to take a seat on the sidelines. 

I hate when people say that this pain will make senses later. How can that be true because I have felt this pain more times than once and I’m beginning to think that love is so content in leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.  I feel like I jump up to hug love and it pushes me down.  It sucks because yet again I’m left to deal with this all alone no words of comfort, no loving pats on my back so now I can see why so many women stay with a man that’s no good.  I know now it’s not the man but this feeling this feeling of numbness and the fear of trying to love again. So here it is late night hours and I can’t sleep.   I know I will love again and I will put myself back in the game, but for now I’m going to do me.  All me I’m ready for the good life with painted nails, high heels and mini skirt, working on me because I know I am not my  pass so it’s time to upgrade and hoping in this endeavor I don’t lose myself.  I still have faith he to will come and while were now apart he is still praying for me.

Signing Out: God  please send my Praying Man.

Sleeples Nights of An Art Girl

Feb 20, 2012

Ok. So I’m sleepy.   I wish I could just sleep and I will in a few minutes I haven’t even eaten yet but I’m not even hungry.  All I want to do is sleep is that even normal.   I enjoy my bed I enjoy that I’m a new member of Netflix and I can now watch what I want when I want.  I enjoy snuggling up in my covers while the sun is still shining.  I enjoy have a quite house so I can just sleep.  I do miss the business of life but hey that what the weekends are for.   I feel like sometimes I’m traveling to another continent and If I don’t try to at least reach out to people I maybe lost at sea.  So I send as many text messages out that I can, just so I can have a grasp of life, just so I know hey you’re not alone.  Then that moment comes when I get that text that said, I miss you 2 or Luv u Sis and then I know I’m not alone. 

Signing out:
Sleepless Nights of a 3shift Art girl.   

Just Pray

            The power of pray.  Wow, so, I have two times in a role this week seen God move with the power of pray.  It’s strange because I haven’t really prayed a lot.  Well I’ve pray here and there but never praying all the time.  I mean like continuously like all the time, lol I mean is that even possible. I use to think that was hard, I mean like real hard work, it has to be right, I mean who really have the time.  Oh I know Pastor’s and Deacons, oh yeah and Bishops.  They have to have time to pray their on the clock anyway, right.  It’s strange  how life and it always changing moments cause you to see something’s and than y0u know that pray is a must.  Now I know that praying continuously is something that can be obtained it’s just having a mindset.  The mindset praying first, not cursing or shouting out careless thoughts, just going there first and praying.  I use to think that I had to be in a physical  place, a place that would caused my heart to be humble, but that's not the case.  Having the mindset means that you can pray anywhere.  Now I know you need facts right, so here facts from one of the oldest books on the earth… The Bible.    A man by the name of David prayed to God all the time, before he want to battle, and listen to God’s voice and if he wasn’t sure he would ask God the same question again.  See David stopped praying after he got all the things that he wanted, and then  of course everyone knows he got into a lot of mess. Though everything with all the ups and the downs David returned back to prayer, and he became one of the greatest (well I’m convinced anyway) pray warriors.  David prayed and his prayers reached God’s heart. 

So back to reality, my life can it be done.  Can I really be this praying Diva? Can I really set my mind there, to set my mind on the things of God and start winning these spiritual battles through prayer?  So I have been personally challenged myself…  to not just pray the Lords pray or anything, but just to pray when I’m not sure of things.  Not the I’m in danger type of pray, but the type of praying that says I know I can’t do it on my own so I’m going to ask my father God what he thinks and then I’m going to act out of his will.   Now that’s something isn’t doing God’s will, I can hear God, but will I do his will.  That is something I’m working on with myself right now.   I say I can’t hear God he’s not speaking… New flash he is but we have seemed to train our ears to tune him out.  It’s God speaking and it’s not through our minds….get this it’s through our hearts…  Now that’s something isn’t it God speaking through our hearts.  You can feel your heart, how you might say well when it speak you feel the pain.  Wither it be through needs or love you can feel it.  I believe that God moves more through the actions of our hearts than anything else.  I know when something hits me and I’m like man, why did I say that or why did I do that, that is God tugging at your heart saying come on now daughter. Then before you know it your like I got to speak to that person I have to say I’m sorry.  That’s  what the world calls your conscience, but I feel that’s God.   It’s funny how we have misplaced his name with consciences to justified feeling we have.  So I know how do I pray to God…It’s been so long right. 

Ha ha no problem I’ll help.. Talk to God like you would talk to your friend tell him the good and the bad..

Wow so, yes I’m saying God wants to know you bad thoughts everything NEWS FLASH he already knows it but, you telling him shows your heart it tells him that, right here and right now you’re valuing his relationship with you. 

 Your valuing his response on your life your letting him know, like you would let your friends know I need you.  I think that is only half of the best part… one of the best thing is God sends his Angles to watch over you and fight your battles in the supernatural.. So command them to go before you their waiting on your faith to start speaking those things.. I can just image them saying Yes father God she’s getting it.  Just say Angel’s please go before me and protect the seen and unseen.  It’s like God wants to move he is just waiting for us to set the road map for the supernatural.  I just didn’t come up with this knowledge on my own but only by listening to the word of God. 

So if you want to learn more about God moving check out Samuel is a nice place to start with having the mindset of pray and hearing God's voice.  So  now you've had your cup of tea/coffee so enjoy your day.

Your Never Truly Forgotten

Feb, 13, 2012

      Did you ever wonder?  O.k. so I know I’m not the only one who has ever thought this but… Now you’re walking down the street or in the library and you see this person.

Your taken by surprise because this person favors someone you know who has passed away.  Your eyes gaze you can’t take your eyes off this person and you feel a little ashamed too because you know that person has now caught your gaze.  You smile and they return the favor. 

Now how can that be, this happens to me all the time.  I see a person and they many look just like someone I know or they have something that reminds me of that person.  I know this might be happening because I’m always looking at people not staring, but I like looking in the eyes of people.  I don’t know why, because to half of the world it doesn’t matter, in fact it’s so normal to just run about your day and not really see a person.  But I can’t, a wise person once told me that when you meet a person you look them in the eye and keep some kind of eye contact to say engaged in the conversation.  Now, I don’t mean look hard and become a stocker or anything but, look at the person… Now that is a craft.  So, now, here I am, engulfed with memories of those who have gone before us, all those love ones that captured our hearts.   I see it in a smile or a noise and in a walk or talk, but very rare, and I mean very rare can I actual see the person.  I mean I’m taking triple takes because they look just like them and then I can’t stop but to say, Thank God.  Because to me I had them again, if only just for this small moment of time, a small simple glance… For me I have them again.     

Signing out: Your never forgotten 

             

The Villain In Me

It seems to be a blessing to be in an open environment at work where you, no longer have to duck and hide from people ready to stab you in the back.  So why am I still in fight mode after all this time you think I would have recover from the hurt and the pain of the job before.  9 years and 8months of living hell for the most part, but now that I take a real good look at myself I am no longer being the victim it seems as if I have become the villain.   I easily and careless inflict pain to whoever I’m near.  Words that spit out with no control.  It’s like I’m finally free to be me but I have twisted into this unrecognizable villain.  I can see myself I know I'm there but I can't get to me anymore.  The 9 years and 8months of fight mold has left me disfigured.   I'm finally sick of what I've become and today I must stop.  It’s not easy, and I must be aware of my tongue at all time's before it causes pain to the one's I dearly love.  It’s not easy, and I must be aware of my tongue at all times before it causes me to slip in villain mode.

Signing out The Villain in Me

Just Me

I can't be perfect, I make mistake, love people I shouldn't, I treat myself like I'm not worth it.  I see everything through blinded eyes.  I cry when I'm alone. I feel the emptiness of my soul and it shakes my nerves. I paint with fear but love snapping pictures when life is moving at a regular paces.  When I smile I light up everyones heart who is near.  I am not perfect, I was never met to be, I am just me.

Never to Late to Honor A King

What brave Men and Women sacrifice before us all.  A simple form of wants, "I want to ride the front of the bus, I want to be seen as equal." It caused a movement, our want caused a sacrifice, our wants caused obedience.   Obedience is better than sacrifice, we hear these word in church but do we know them.  We can simply describe the mean in a educational way and come out with claps and whistles.  I'm amazed by the generation who lived before us the generation that obeyed first.  Obeyed and pray that was their model and it pushed past the cures of the generation before them, that captured them in chains.  So what will We leave behind. This generation that crossed the line through so many barriers.  We have it all, it was handed to us like a gift, like a token.  We've cash that in, our token for feelings and emotions. Our generation that has everything handed to us we are more selfish than our grandfathers.  We don't pray unless were pushed back by every demon that harmed us. We only sacrifice to get the new wants of clothing, or bedroom suit, and expensive vacation trips.  We don't obey, not elder, not parents, not even some of our friends.   So this is a War Cry for my generation let's Wake Up.  Let push pass our desires and dare to dream again.  Let's dream for new inventions, let's clean up our act and go on our knees and ask God for forgiveness. Our generation molds the generations to come.. Really so what are we saying, truly what are we doing. Lets get back to obeying and praying than our sacrifice will be a blessing to generations to come.  Only you and I can make this happen so let's start.
My words are inspired by a man who had a dream: Dr. Martin Luther King.

My Soul Mate

I see your face, I know your heart its been with my thought, you uncracked the code to my heart with every word you've spoken.  You are my dream, my lovely man, my soulmate, my all.  If only I could know you, but i only know you in my dreams as I scream for you to hold you again.  But it seems as if  my life and it's sins has caused a barricade of delays for us meeting, I'm sorry. But I still see you,  seeing you playing life as a deck of cards. Holding them, kissing them and winning with them over.  With me being Queen of Hearts, hard cord bottoms, so I hold my head hight and let the moon speak volumes, I know there is a God when I see the moon, so perfect yet so humble.   I will never forget all of my wonderful dreams that had me, dipping and diving to be next to you. One day we soon will meet, and you will always be my forever, true day dream my true love, my one and only, my soulmate.

My Deal With Love Part One

O.k. in this crazy world people are often up for just shaking up.  O.k. still stay with me, now I see how my generation is we love to have things fast.  The cars, the schooling, the life, relationships just so fast, that we always end that relationship fast and hard.  Now let me say that this doesn't included everyone.  Ok now back to my deal with true love.  I was able to talk to this resident at my job. Her husband is very sick and they have to be seprated by the diffent skilled homes.  She tells me of her love for him, I love the one story how she said I started dating him in the 11grade , she said that she was actually seeing other guy untill she was trully in to him.  I thought about how I have that same thought with life. Dating openly untill I find that certain person.  She told me that when she dated these other guys she wasn't true in that relationship.  Untill she fell in love with her now husband.  She said I just like being around him and I could stand him.  She said that it wasn't that head over heals kind of stuff but that she just could stand him and enjoy hanging out with him.  Me, myself, I love so easly that I didn't think that I could love deep like that untill I talked to her.  She open my eyes becauses she still loved him just as much as she love just haning out with him, and now 75yrs in their marriage she still just wants to hanging with him. She just wants to be in his present, event just to sit and hold his hand.  So my quest with love is simple it more about me and what I want.  True love is simple you've got to love to be in that persons presents.  Just like God wants to be in our presents because he's in love with us.  Wow man I just got all of that...................... for real............................... So my deal with true love is I've got to want to be in your presents.  I got to want to lay by your bed side even if your in your late 80s and can't remember yesturday.  I want to be with you, holding your hands, feeding you, reading to you, and kissing you good night because our love is real, that love that's slow and last forever.

My Deal With Love Part Two

My deal with love part two: ok now love and a partner, you can't fine someone that can fullfill all your needs (phlli ,emanational).   But what your partner lacks your other relationships with your friends make up for it. Making you totally fulfilled with love. So its not about your partner after all.  It about all the relationships you have manage to keep a float, the relationships that you've, to no effort of your own has formed into something breath taking. We can't have it all anyway, but if we look at the whole picture. I mean all of it we will find that the people in our lives make us a total and complete package.

I'm just CHANGING

Sometimes people will never see the good in you because there to busy reminiscing over the bad thing.  Don't stop changing because one day before you know it they are wondering when did you become this wonderful person and you can say; oh over night?